My Top 20 Tips for New Parents
by Bob Collier
1. Be aware that how you were parented is a major factor in your choice of parenting style, one way or another. Whatever advice new parents may get from family, friends and parenting experts, we all refer back to our own childhood for our fundamental parenting ideas, whether consciously or not, either to recreate all the things we liked about it or to put right all the things that we disliked about it.
2. Think in terms of successful parenting rather than 'good' parenting. The concept of the 'good' parent was invented by the advertising industry to sell product by making parents feel guilty. Think in terms of success and you attach yourself firmly to your own objectives not somebody else's.
3. Strive for excellence rather than perfection. Perfect parenting is a myth. Why go on a crusade to find the Holy Grail when the opportunity to be the best you can be is right there in front of you?
4. Know yourself and be yourself. You're a role model. Make sure it's the real you your child looks up to not somebody you're pretending to be.
5. Have a clear idea of the kind of person you want your child to be. Always imagine the best for your child. Imagine your child as the happy and successful human being you would like them to be.
6. Stay constantly in touch with your child and the world they live in. This is a shared journey, whatever form it takes, so it'll help you to know a lot more about your child than their name and shoe size.
7. Always look for a balance between guiding your child and allowing them to discover their own path. If you overbalance, overbalance on the side of discovery - sometimes, doing nothing except just watching your child grow is the best parenting there is.
8. Learn something from every successful parent you can find. In fact, you can learn something from every parent. Even those who struggle generally may do some specific things better than you do.
9. Adapt everything you learn to suit your personality, values, relationships and circumstances. This is you and your child. Your lives. Your world. Make your own decisions about what comes into it and how you use it.
10. Take nothing as gospel. If it works for you, use it; if it doesn't, don't. Test every bit of advice in the laboratory of your daily life and base your decisions on direct observational experience. If what the book tells you makes things worse, the book is wrong!
11. Be well informed and trust your intuition. Use your head to get the knowledge that will most efficiently guide your heart to where it wants to go.
12. Always remember that the right attitude is more valuable than the 'right' technique. Techniques are tools and like all tools they're dangerous in the wrong hands. An attitude of love will make the best use of whatever technique you use.
13. Be creative and willing to experiment. Every day you will find yourself somewhere you've never been before. You'll be alone in uncharted territory. A well developed ability to improvise is the key to success.
14. Be decisive. Making mistakes and correcting them is ultimately more efficient than agonising over getting it right first time - or, worse, being paralysed by a fear of getting it wrong.
15. Always remember that, generally speaking, a 'slow fix' will last a lot longer than a 'quick fix'. Sweeping a problem under the carpet in exchange for some peace and quiet will take the pressure off you and it's not a crime, but sooner or later you'll have to solve that problem. Unsolved problems grow into monsters that come back to haunt you.
16. Be relentlessly optimistic. Parenting can be tough at times, but the sun is always shining even when you don't see it. Really, it is.
17. Develop a great sense of humour. You'll be doing a lot of ridiculous things. Taking them seriously won't help you one little bit, but sharing the joke might!
18. Thrive on chaos! There will be plenty of it so you'll have lots of opportunity to practice. Learn to go with the flow. Some adults may not like it, but your child will love it and life will be on your side if you trust it enough.
19. Accept that, no matter how successful you feel you are in your parenting, somebody somewhere will think you're a 'bad' parent. Who cares? Please yourself and your child.
20. Make working on your own personal development your number one priority! Parenting may appear a somewhat shapeless occupation to the undiscerning eye and easily lost amongst other considerations and, unlike the professions of, say, doctor, lawyer, banker or accountant, it's not governed by examinations and qualifications, rules and regulations, guilds and associations - but it truly is of vital importance, whatever else you're doing with your life. A willingness to learn how to be equal to the task is the very least you can offer.
Copyright © 2004, Bob Collier
Please feel free to share this article with anyone you feel may benefit from reading it. I would greatly appreciate it if you would add the following information:
Bob Collier is a father of two and publisher of the Parental Intelligence Newsletter .
For positive and creative ideas about parenting, education and personal development, please visit his website www.parental-intelligence.com
Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you?
Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating
and reassurance to families
better outcomes for their children.
Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.
Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.
"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people." Vanessa
"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!" Davina
"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others." Lesley
"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
in the morning, I 've been encouraged!" Louisa
"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful." Gythaa
Welcome to the
World of Home Education and
Learning without School!
We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine
The information on this website is of
a general nature only and is not intended
as personal or professional advice.
This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.
Advertise with The Educating Parent
||DIY Getting Started with Home Schooling Pack
Beverley Paine's best selling comprehensive common sense manual detailing how to write your own curriculum tailored to your children's educational needs
PLUS 9 of Beverley's popular practical home educating series booklets!
Great value $60
and Unschooling Pack
Each Pack contains a copy of the following:
Natural Learning Answers
A5 or A4
Learning Naturally Diary
Learning Maths Naturally
A Sample Approved Natural Learning Program and Review
Only $29 or $33
Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.
Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!