HomeAboutAdvertiseBooksResource DirectoryCurriculumArticlesContactKids PagesFollow Beverley Paine, The Educating Paine, on Facebook



Tap into Beverley's
Educating Parent
experience through her books

You are being redirected to Always Learning Books where you can purchase Beverley Paine's books on how to home educate your children

 


Download your free copy

Download Beverley's free The Educating Parent Resource Directory for information about getting started, support groups, blogs and an extensive list of books about homeschooling and unschooling



Want to learn how to write your
own education plans to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?

 

Looking for quality curriculum
and teaching tips ?

 

Over 1000 reassuring and
informative articles to help
build your confidence as an
Educating Parent

Beverley's books are excellent for building confidence as a home educator says Tracey, homeschooling mum.

Looking for support, reassurance and information?
Join Beverley's The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook or Yahoo online groups.

Protecting Our Children from Bullying

By Beverley Paine

In a discussion about bullying among children was recently asked: "What do you do when communication and inclusion fail?"

Sometimes the problems lies with the fact that parents fail to recognise that their children's behaviour is actually a form of coercion, intimidation or bullying. We're all guilty of this at some time especially as we're surrounded by acceptance of this type of behaviour. It permeates the media: in movies, televisions shows as well as the stories we read. Only when we or our children are victims of this type of behaviour do we suddenly become sensitized. And more often than not our reaction is to protect ourselves by acting in the same vein.

It can be very frustrating to approach parents to solve problems only to find the parent can see no fault in their child's behaviour. At times like this I would make sure that when in the company of the offending child or children I would closely and continuously observe the activity or play and stand up for my child by directly intervening. That meant getting down on the children's level and making eye contact and pointing out why I considered the children's behaviour was inappropriate. I'd have these chats as often as was necessary. Sometimes the parents of the bullies would start to engage in productive communication about the problem. Sometimes they'd get narked enough to leave the group, which was never a satisfactory outcome as it meant the problem could not be properly resolved.

I'd do this because it would show not only my child, but all the other children, that parents protect their children because they love them and they want their children to enjoy playing with their friends and that this is important. Important enough to risk embarrassing my children, myself and the other people in the group.

My experience of this type of intervention is though everyone hates it while it is happening, it really works. Children need to know that there are social boundaries. They learn this from adults. It is okay for parents to intervene, provided they don't get into blaming behaviour and instead simply act to stop the aggression. Being there, saying "Please stop that" is generally enough for younger children. It helps to talk about why the behaviour is inappropriate and listen to both sides patiently. If the bully stomps off and whines to mum, that's okay too - at least the other kids have seen one child championed and protected. They'll feel safer and perhaps less inclined to get involved in inappropriate behaviour in the future. If mum comes barreling along and wants to pick a fight, don't go there, simply say that it's your job to make sure your child isn't hurt while he or she is playing. Don't get into "you should" statements - keep it focused on your role as parent and your responsibility to your child. Remember that the other children are listening and learning... If the group takes the side of the parent/s of the bullies, and you are feeling outnumbered and victimized, you probably need to find another group.

I would use this tactic - being there, intervening and explaining that the behaviour is inappropriate - with my own children when they bullied their siblings. I would focus on accountability, helping them understand that they were accountable for their behaviour. I'd also help them develop empathy and compassion by encouraging them to remember what is was like when they were the butt of that kind of behaviour. Regularly talking about how to treat others - not in the same way we are treated but how we want to be treated - is important too. We all want to be treated with respect, to be listened to properly, to be heard and to be accepted for who we are. Being upset, impatient, angry or simply having a bad day aren't excuses for mistreating others.

Our children have to learn how to resolve conflicts and manage emotions. That process naturally takes all of childhood - we need to be patient with children and show them better ways of behaviour, not expect them to be expert peacemakers at an early age! Over time they will to learn the skills of how to cooperate, compromise, deal with sacrifice, how to share and cope with and handle injustice and manage their impulses. But to do so they need plenty of opportunities to practice these skills in safe, protective environments. They also need to be reflective, to ask "is this really the situation, does my best friend really hate me, or is she simply tired, upset, disappointed and taking it out on my?" We can help by actively being there, observing our children and modelling these skills.

My children knew that when we were out and about socialising I'd be nearby watching the children as they played. If I thought the game was getting a bit rough or could quickly get out of hand I would often call out and ask them an unrelated question, letting all the children know that an adult was watching. If I saw something I thought was inappropriate or unsafe, I'd walk over and ask the children not to do it. If the other children said they were allowed to, I'd say my children were not, and I'd explain why.

It's hard for play to get out of hand if enough parents who care are watching. Some people would say it is being over-protective, however I take the view that children should learn social skills primarily from the modelling of appropriate social skills and behaviour by adults. If adults aren't present then children naturally socialise each other, but without guidance - which means they revert back to instinctive 'survival of the fittest' behaviour. As children go through their developmental stages, they should be finding ways of working problems out and getting along with other people. This includes learning how to read social situations, make friends, and understand their social environment. Until our children demonstrate the ability to manage social situations on their own it's our job to help and protect them.

Useful Websites

Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you? Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating offering encouragement and reassurance to families wanting better outcomes for their children.

Thank you for your gift contribution!

Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active support of national, state, regional and local home education groups.

"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people."
Vanessa

"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!"
Davina

"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others."
Lesley

"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am in the morning, I 've been encouraged!"
Louisa

"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful."
Gythaa

I am currently giving this site a much needed facelift!
If you experience difficultiess accessing any page can you
please email me the link? Thank you.

Welcome to the
World of Home Education
and Learning without School!

We began educating our three children in 1985, when our eldest was aged five years. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn as they grew and explored and discovered this amazing world since the moment they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. I hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was!

The information on this website is of
a general nature only and is not intended
as personal or professional advice.
This site merges and incorporates
'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.

Advertise with The Educating Parent

cover of Getting Started with Homeschooling by Beverley Paine DIY Getting Started with Home Schooling Pack
Beverley Paine's best selling comprehensive common sense manual detailing how to write your own curriculum tailored to your children's educational needs
PLUS 9 of Beverley's popular practical home educating series booklets!

Great value $60
Natural Learning
and Unschooling Pack

Each Pack contains a copy of the following:
Natural Learning
Natural Learning Answers
A5 or A4
Learning Naturally Diary
Learning Maths Naturally
A Sample Approved Natural Learning Program and Review

Only $29 or $33
Select A4 or A5 Diary

Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.

Access all the content plus BONUSES from the Australian Homeschool Summit

Stocking all of Beverley Paine's, the educating parent's, books!

30% discount off ReadyEd Publications for homeschoolers until 31st December 2016

Find out more about Brain Builder by clicking here!

Link to Educate and Assist for home educating familiesEducating the World One Student at a Time AOIA Online Education

Supervised school of distance education

click to go to the Sunshine Collective providing ‘Brilliant Boxes’ to families of pre-schoolers and primary school aged children, throughout Australia

Belinda Cowie Whisper Waters Educational Resource for Home Educating FamiliesSTEM tutoring

Click here to go to Home Learn cover the 'core' with room to explore! Sydney Dance/Sports Classes for home educating students

Maths Mentality helping parents understand primary school mathematics

 

animated Australian flag

Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!


Support Centre
Contact Us | Join a Support Group | Beverley's Books | Resource Directory | Blog | Donate

About The Educating Parent
Beverley Paine | April Jermey and Always Learning Books | Advertise with us

Sitemap

What is Home Education Why Home Educate Getting Started & Registering Different Ways to Home Educate
Life as a Home Educator Resources & Support Teens and Beyond Curriculum and Teaching Tips
Unschooling & Natural Learning Travelling & Home Educating Other: just for fun, general, etc Children's Pages
     

animated smiling faceThank you for visiting!

Beverley Paine, The Educating Parent
The opinions and articles included on this website are not necessarily those of Beverley and Robin Paine,
nor do they endorse or recommend products listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements.
Site Map
. Text and images on this site © All Rights Reserved 1999-2017.