Home About Articles Books Curriculum Resource Directory Advertise Kids Pages Facebook Contact

Tap into Beverley's
Educating Parent
experience through her books

You are being redirected to Always Learning Books where you can purchase Beverley Paine's books on how to home educate your children


Download your free copy

Download Beverley's free The Educating Parent Resource Directory for information about getting started, support groups, blogs and an extensive list of books about homeschooling and unschooling

Want to learn how to write your
own education plans to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?


Looking for quality curriculum
and teaching tips ?


Over 1000 reassuring and
informative articles to help
build your confidence as an
Educating Parent

Beverley's books are excellent for building confidence as a home educator says Tracey, homeschooling mum.

Looking for support, reassurance and information?
Join Beverley's The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook or Yahoo online groups.

Ditching Languge That Invokes Shame

© Beverley Paine, 2005

I made all the usual 'mistakes' as a parent and knew nothing about attachment parenting, or non-coersive parenting and only came across TCC when my eldest was nearly 5 and I was pregnant with my third child... The kids turned out all right though and I thoroughly recommend regularly apologising to your kids and explaining your ignorance and learning process as you go along!

I ditched notions of 'good' and 'bad' altogether and adopted the more sensible approach of considering behaviour and situations as 'appropriate' and 'not appropriate'. I hate the value/moral judgement that comes from using 'good' and 'bad'. I think John Holt once wrote about the uselessness of the word 'good' - just exactly what does it mean? Try defining it... it depends heavily on context, which means that people have to more or less guess what you're getting at. Those two words seem to invoke shame more than any other words in our language! I'm not a fan of shame.

'Appropriate' tends to look at behaviour in a matter of fact way - does this behaviour achieve the desired results? Then we start looking at motivation and goals, and actions in the light of what we need and want, from ourselves, the situation and others. It dampens the emotion by applying rational thought - action instead of reaction.

I even stopped using the terms 'negative' and 'positive', which were buzz words when my childrne were young, and started using 'constructive' and 'destructive' as these words clearly conveyed exactly what I wanted. An action or behaviour is very clearly constructive - it builds - or destructive, or destroys. This could be building friendship, community, happy feelings, desired outcomes, anything that will help us reach our eventual goals; or destroying friendship, producing unhappy or hurt feelings, breaking belongings, moving us further from our goals...

It took a lot of reprogramming for me to change my inner and outer dialogue but the more I persisted in changing the language I used the quicker my behaviour and attitudes changed. I was patient with myself. I see life as a learning journey full of 'learning opportunities' - something I used to call 'mistakes'! Learning is about having a go, making approximations, slowly adjusting our actions to gradually produce the desired outcome. Somewhere along the line this process became fixated on getting it 'right' (whatever that means!) the first time. We were then made to feel ashamed for not learning in a fast and furious manner, or for not being 'perfect' (whatever that means!).

I blame school, of course! But blaming isn't an appropriate (in this case useful or constructive) action...

As a homeschooling parent you have the opportunity to create a positive and constructive atmosphere in your 'classroom' every day of the year. You can chose to not have 'mistakes' and call them 'learning opportunities' instead. You can do away with the need to 'correct' and 'guide' instead. 'Incorrect' becomes 'an estimation' or 'try'. Copying and guessing are allowed as legitimate learning tools.

Changing the way we use language and tweaking our attitudes as teachers can eliminate most of the shame, embarrassment and hence fear from learning.

Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you? Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating offering encouragement and reassurance to families wanting better outcomes for their children.

Thank you for your gift contribution!

Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.

Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active support of national, state, regional and local home education groups.

"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people."

"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!"

"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others."

"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am in the morning, I 've been encouraged!"

"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful."

I am currently giving this site a much needed facelift!
If you experience difficultiess accessing any page can you
please email me the link? Thank you.

Welcome to the World of Home Education and
Learning without School!

We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine

The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.

Advertise with The Educating Parent

Access all the content plus BONUSES from the Australian Homeschool Summit

Stocking all of Beverley Paine's, the educating parent's, books!

30% discount off ReadyEd Publications for homeschoolers until 31st December 2016

Find out more about Brain Builder by clicking here!

Link to Educate and Assist for home educating families Educating the World One Student at a Time AOIA Online Education

Supervised school of distance education

click to go to the Sunshine Collective providing ‘Brilliant Boxes’ to families of pre-schoolers and primary school aged children, throughout Australia

Belinda Cowie Whisper Waters Educational Resource for Home Educating Families STEM tutoring

Click here to go to Home Learn cover the 'core' with room to explore! Sydney Dance/Sports Classes for home educating students

cover of Getting Started with Homeschooling by Beverley Paine DIY Getting Started with Home Schooling Pack
Beverley Paine's best selling comprehensive common sense manual detailing how to write your own curriculum tailored to your children's educational needs
PLUS 9 of Beverley's popular practical home educating series booklets!
Great value $60
Natural Learning
and Unschooling Pack

Each Pack contains a copy of the following:
Natural Learning
Natural Learning Answers
A5 or A4
Learning Naturally Diary
Learning Maths Naturally
A Sample Approved Natural Learning Program and Review

Only $29 or $33
Select A4 or A5 Diary

Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.

animated Australian flag

Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!

Support Centre
Contact Us | Join a Support Group | Beverley's Books | Resource Directory | Blog | Donate

About The Educating Parent
Beverley Paine | April Jermey and Always Learning Books | Advertise with us


What is Home Education Why Home Educate Getting Started & Registering Different Ways to Home Educate
Life as a Home Educator Resources & Support Teens and Beyond Curriculum and Teaching Tips
Unschooling & Natural Learning Travelling & Home Educating Other: just for fun, general, etc Children's Pages

animated smiling face Thank you for visiting!

Beverley Paine, The Educating Parent
The opinions and articles included on this website are not necessarily those of Beverley and Robin Paine,
nor do they endorse or recommend products listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements.
This website uses browsing cookies and conducts other means to collect user information in order to display contextual ads.
Site Map. Text and images on this site © All Rights Reserved 1999-2018.