HomeAboutAdvertiseBooksResource DirectoryCurriculumArticlesContactKids PagesFollow Beverley Paine, The Educating Paine, on Facebook



Tap into Beverley's
Educating Parent
experience through her books

You are being redirected to Always Learning Books where you can purchase Beverley Paine's books on how to home educate your children

 


Download your free copy

Download Beverley's free The Educating Parent Resource Directory for information about getting started, support groups, blogs and an extensive list of books about homeschooling and unschooling



Want to learn how to write your
own education plans to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?

 

Looking for quality curriculum
and teaching tips ?

 

Over 1000 reassuring and
informative articles to help
build your confidence as an
Educating Parent

Beverley's books are excellent for building confidence as a home educator says Tracey, homeschooling mum.

Looking for support, reassurance and information?
Join Beverley's The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook or Yahoo online groups.

The Disabling Power of Certain Words: "Doing Nothing"

by Beverley Paine

I tried to eliminate the words 'good' and 'bad' and 'right' and 'wrong' from my vocabulary when the children were young - it wasn't easy because, like everyone else, I was conditioned to use them in just about every sentence!

Good and bad aren't the most descriptive words - they convey meaning through the emotion we attach to them. We learn the various meanings attached to 'good' by the emotional tone and body language of the person using it rather than the context of the sentence: "Good girl", "Good job", "That was a good effort", "We had a good time", etc. As children we attach good with emotion, which is why it remains a word that has disproportionate power in our lives forever. It becomes more than a word, it becomes a judgment. Same goes for 'bad', 'right' and 'wrong'.

I swapped these words for more descriptive words, or for 'appropriate' or 'inappropriate' and 'accurate' and 'inaccurate'. Overused these words end up having the same effect though. Basically, it's important to say what we actually mean: "Good girl" might become "I really appreciated the way handled that situation, it was very helpful, thank you." "Good job" might become, "Your attention to detail paid off, that looks fantastic." Obviously we need to use more words, we need to respond to the context of the situation, which means we're not as dismissive, not taking short cuts, being more attentive, etc.

The concept of 'doing nothing' isn't a description of what is actually happening, it's a value laden judgment. It's a put down. It's been used to manipulate us at various times in our lives, to cajole us to do things other people think are important. It has power over us because of the remnant emotion we attach to those words, the concept we've built around them.

We can celebrate doing nothing, as I did for many years, while learning to unpack the emotional hurt attached to the concept, and learn to live beside it before finally naming it as an error in my judgment, an unhelpful habit. I can't honestly think of a time when I am doing nothing. Saying that I am "doing nothing" is a short cut, lazy language, and often manipulative. When I say I'm "doing nothing" I might be hiding what I am doing, either because I don't want you to know what I am really doing, or because I don't think you'll value what I'm doing, or perhaps because I don't value what I'm doing. It's the last reason that I'm still working on overcoming, a legacy of a damaged self-esteem caused by my conditioned need to be a 'good girl', a 'nice girl', a 'successful' person and all those other blanket terms that tell us little about meaning but are packed with moral judgment.

My antidote for when those words "doing nothing" come up is to pause and reflect on what is actually happening. List those things mentally. And then acknowledging them verbally. "I'm not doing nothing, I'm thinking." Brainstorming, imagining, planning. Reflecting. Dreaming. Playing, learning, pursuing my interest. Exercising. Building, creating. Living.

See also:

Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you? Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating offering encouragement and reassurance to families wanting better outcomes for their children.

Thank you for your gift contribution!

Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active support of national, state, regional and local home education groups.

"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people."
Vanessa

"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!"
Davina

"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others."
Lesley

"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am in the morning, I 've been encouraged!"
Louisa

"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful."
Gythaa

I am currently giving this site a much needed facelift!
If you experience difficultiess accessing any page can you
please email me the link? Thank you.

Welcome to the
World of Home Education
and Learning without School!

We began educating our three children in 1985, when our eldest was aged five years. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn as they grew and explored and discovered this amazing world since the moment they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. I hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was!

The information on this website is of
a general nature only and is not intended
as personal or professional advice.
This site merges and incorporates
'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.

Advertise with The Educating Parent

cover of Getting Started with Homeschooling by Beverley Paine DIY Getting Started with Home Schooling Pack
Beverley Paine's best selling comprehensive common sense manual detailing how to write your own curriculum tailored to your children's educational needs
PLUS 9 of Beverley's popular practical home educating series booklets!

Great value $60
Natural Learning
and Unschooling Pack

Each Pack contains a copy of the following:
Natural Learning
Natural Learning Answers
A5 or A4
Learning Naturally Diary
Learning Maths Naturally
A Sample Approved Natural Learning Program and Review

Only $29 or $33
Select A4 or A5 Diary

Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.

Access all the content plus BONUSES from the Australian Homeschool Summit

Stocking all of Beverley Paine's, the educating parent's, books!

30% discount off ReadyEd Publications for homeschoolers until 31st December 2016

Find out more about Brain Builder by clicking here!

Link to Educate and Assist for home educating familiesEducating the World One Student at a Time AOIA Online Education

Supervised school of distance education

click to go to the Sunshine Collective providing ‘Brilliant Boxes’ to families of pre-schoolers and primary school aged children, throughout Australia

Belinda Cowie Whisper Waters Educational Resource for Home Educating FamiliesSTEM tutoring

Click here to go to Home Learn cover the 'core' with room to explore! Sydney Dance/Sports Classes for home educating students

Maths Mentality helping parents understand primary school mathematics

 

animated Australian flag

Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!


Support Centre
Contact Us | Join a Support Group | Beverley's Books | Resource Directory | Blog | Donate

About The Educating Parent
Beverley Paine | April Jermey and Always Learning Books | Advertise with us

Sitemap

What is Home Education Why Home Educate Getting Started & Registering Different Ways to Home Educate
Life as a Home Educator Resources & Support Teens and Beyond Curriculum and Teaching Tips
Unschooling & Natural Learning Travelling & Home Educating Other: just for fun, general, etc Children's Pages
     

animated smiling faceThank you for visiting!

Beverley Paine, The Educating Parent
The opinions and articles included on this website are not necessarily those of Beverley and Robin Paine,
nor do they endorse or recommend products listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements.
Site Map
. Text and images on this site © All Rights Reserved 1999-2017.