Learning the Tough Lessons in Life
by Beverley Paine, 2009
A homeschooling friend recently had the problem that every lesson she prepared for her son simply became a springboard to something totally different - usually in the direction he wanted to take it which wasn't the outcome she'd planned for at all. An ex-teacher friend made the comment that he had "too much control over his environment, and that school would show him that life isn't all about what he wants".
This is something I battled with for years - knowing that my kids needed to learn the tough lessons... Eventually I realised that life itself teaches us that. We can't get what we want when we want it all the time, and sometimes not at all, for lots and lots of reasons, and when we think about it, this is a lesson that we begin learning - naturally - in the crib! We seem to worry more about our kids learning this lesson when other people point it out to us; for example, when their perception is that our kids are 'spoiled' or could be 'spoiled' by us not forcing them to accept - right now - the inevitable reality that life isn't what we'd like it to be all the time!
Thomas has come to slowly work out - in his teen years - that there are many things in life that need to be done that he doesn't want to do, but they must be done for life to flow smoothly, or for him to be able to achieve his goals. It's a matter of simply getting on and doing them. Putting them off seems to make the tasks more arduous - the expectation of burden grows and grows and begins to overwhelm... I don't think any of my children would have learned this lesson earlier in life - they simply didn't have the self-awareness. Children don't think about time the way that adults do. They live much more in the moment, something many of us strive to achieve once again through learning meditation, etc!
I used to worry that my children will never learn the harsh lessons if they weren't forced to suffer the consequences, etc when they were young. I hated forcing my children to do anything - the battles were exhausting. All too often I gave in - and sometimes I wish I'd been a little more consistent with my parenting approach - but overall, the passing of time and living of life with its myriad of experiences was enough to teach my children these lessons. And in a much more gentler, less stressful and self-esteem affirming way!
I now question MY motives for wanting my children to learn or do anything. If I'm driven by a need to satisfy the expectations of others I back down. As a family we've learned to weed out the unnecessary wants from the real and immediate needs. Chores can be a bore, but they need to be done and when we work within a framework of needs, satisfaction seems to follow.
Some folk will have you believe that the only way to learn how to deal with bullying - another of life's harsh realities - is to experienced bullying first hand at school...
Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you?
Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating
and reassurance to families
better outcomes for their children.
Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.
Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.
"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people." Vanessa
"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!" Davina
"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others." Lesley
"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
in the morning, I 've been encouraged!" Louisa
"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful." Gythaa
Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!
We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine
3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!
Tap into Beverley's
through her books
"Your books, your blogs helped me beyond words... they helped me to find comfort in knowing it is ok to choose exactly what is best for my family." Nisha
"Your books and information are mind blowing and already I am feeling good about this new experience." Diane
"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie
"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.
The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.
Australia's premier online annual conferences, lifetime access to video and audio recordings, freebies, notes and associated resource guides.
EVERY SUMMIT IS UNIQUE!
$29 each 2023 2022 2021
$25 each 2020 2019 2017
"Biggest and best Aussie homeschool event of the year!"
Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.
Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!